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09:04pm 28/02/2020
mood: crappy
I think I underestimated how hard things are for you.
08:21pm 30/01/2020
mood: relieved

I can driiive!!

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11:09pm 27/01/2020
mood: okay

Do people subconsciously use relationships for something that they currently need? Does everybody do this in every relationship they have? Do you do this? Would you admit it? Should you have to question your feelings and motives this much? If people do have motives like this in every relationship, what are your motives? Do you ever wonder why you stay in some relationships? What kind of satisfaction it holds to you? 
The sad thing is, is that in every relationship, no matter how much you like the person, the motives behind it revolve completely around yourself and you are only fulfilling your needs with what this person has to offer. I can't tell if thats a good thing or a bad thing. I guess if each person is getting equal gratification out of the relationship then it can't be a bad thing in the end.

October 23 - November 21
Daily Overview: January 27, 2008

You're going through some weirdness right now, but that's not such a big deal -- in fact, most of the serious business is happening unconsciously, so you ought to be able to get on with life.

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fuck yeah   
09:49pm 24/01/2020
mood: enthralled
10:39pm 09/01/2020
mood: grateful
Today I applied as a volunteer for a 5 week marine conservation my in Mexico off the Yucatan peninsula. I didn't think I would be considered since every single day is based around diving and I have no experience. Unexpectedly, a half hour later I received a phone call basically letting me know I had been excepted. So coming May 16th i'm off to Mexico.  I will be receiving my PADI open water and advanced levels diving certificate while helping research the marine life there and meeting lots of people.

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First actual post in a loong time   
11:01pm 07/01/2020
mood: blah

I have been thinking about how much I want my licence lately but I want to do it right this time. I want to practic everyday for two weeks before taking it so I dont have to fail four times. I wonder if I can help getting so nervous. I hope so. I need it. 
School work, excersize, and driving are my first priorities right now. Not having a job should make them easier.
Steve didnt get the job and might have to move somewhere else. I dont like to think about that. I look forward to spending time with him all week even if its just for a day. Not having him here would make for a sad Amanda.
Tomorrow I want to cook good food to freeze so I can have lots all the time. Yum. I might make a vegan broccoli soup. MMMMmmmmMMMm.

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08:02pm 27/12/2019
mood: mellow
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10:13pm 11/06/2019
  And i'm the one who overreacts?  
Some pictures   
04:32pm 05/06/2019
mood: drained
So, I slept 15 hours last night and it did NOT feel good to wake up this morning. I think i'm going to make a doctors apt. for tommorow but i'm afraid they are just going to tell me i'm a lazy piece of shit.
"Fergalicious" is really getting to me lately. It's been stuck in my head every day for what feels like a year now. If I hear that song in Kaiets car one more time i'm jumping out. Even if shes going 120 down the highway.
I made the best smoothie today! Pitting all those cherries was definatly worth it.
10:33am 15/05/2019
mood: gloomy
So apparently I did gain a little weight while my dress was being altered. Its not that it doesn't fit now, its just uncomfortably tight. Im going to eat super healthy this next couple of weeks and see if that makes a difference.

I hate lunch hours here now because nobody is ever at school and I have no car to leave so all I can really do is sit here and be lonely and pretend that I have a task to do. 
Im beginning to think school is just a waste of time for me since I rarely accomplish anything.
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enfante le jour   
07:07pm 13/05/2019
mood: drained
Bad News:
Today I actually spent a day in hell. No joke. Over 500 people. Tons of dishes broken and a couple falls. Luckily I didnt fall. I worked for 10 hours. 10 hours of which every breath I took felt like my lungs were tearing apart. I have a discusting lung infection..or something like that. I totally wouldnt have survived today if  went out last night.
Good News:
I finally got Daft Punk tickets aaand my paycheck. That makes me a happy girl. Hmm, do I have more good news? Not really.
sunshine makes me smile   
03:07pm 10/05/2019
  Oh man, I have so much planned for this month. Its nice because I continuously have something to look forward to. I want money desperately and if Kevin was wrong about this friday being pay day I dont know whaat i'm going to do. Probably cry. 
I can finally scratch portfolio off my list of school work I need to finish. It wasnt nearly as depressing as I thought it would be. They pretty much just told me that I know exactly what  want to do and how to get there and that I have thoroughly planned out how I have gotten to where I am now. I'm pretty sure if  I would have planned out where I am now being a year behind wouldn't have been a part of my plan. Nor do I know what I want to do with my life.
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06:52am 28/03/2019
mood: dirty
I think I have been feeling motivated. 
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Embarrassing story of the day.   
09:16pm 25/02/2019
  So, after being at work for a good portion of my day I go to the bathroom only to realize I have a huge rip in the back of my pants. Big enough that you could see my panties as well as my bum. Luckily I was wearing full butt undies but it was none the less incredibly embarrassing. 

I have given up on school lately ad pretty much everything else for that matter. 

I dont think that I can finish this post because somebody has carelessly spilled something sticky in the keyboard and typig is becoming somewhat of an annoyance. 

Goal this week : Be more positive...if possible.
03:20pm 25/01/2019
  FRIDAY APRIL 27: Björk • Interpol • the Jesus and Mary Chain • Arctic Monkeys• Jarvis Cocker • Sonic Youth • Faithless • DJ Shadow • Peeping Tom • Felix Da Housecat • Brazilian Girls• Peaches • Rufus Wainwright • Stephen Marley featuring Jr. Gong • Nickel Creek• We Are Scientists • Digitalism • Tokyo Police Club • Comedians of Comedy • El-P • Julieta Venegas • Gogol Bordello • Circa Survive • Silversun Pickups • Gillian Welch • Tilly and the Wall • Benny Benassi • Amy Winehouse • David Guetta • Noisettes • Evil Nine • Busdriver • Brother Ali

SATURDAY APRIL 28: The Red Hot Chili Peppers● the Arcade Fire • Tiësto • the Decemberists • the Good, the Bad and the Queen • Travis • Kings of Leon • Gotan Project • the Rapture • LCD Soundsystem • Blonde Redhead • the New Pornographers • the Black Keys • !!! • Regina Spektor • Hot Chip • MSTRKRFT • Ozomatli • Ghostface Killah • Fountains of Wayne • Jack’s Mannequin • Peter Bjorn and John • VNV Nation • Sparklehorse • the Nightwatchman • Roky Erickson & the Explosives Cornelius • CocoRosie • Andrew Bird • the Frames • the Fratellis • Justice • Pharoahe Monch • Fields • the Cribs • Girl Talk • Mike Relm • DJ Heather • Pop Levi • Yeva

SUNDAY APRIL 29: Rage Against the Machine • Manu Chao -Radio Bemba Sound System • Air • Paul van Dyk • Happy Mondays • Willie Nelson • Crowded House • Placebo • Kaiser Chiefs • Damien Rice • the Roots • Explosions in the Sky • Konono No.1 • Soulwax • Richie Hawtin • Infected Mushroom • Lily Allen ● Amos Lee • José González • Spank Rock • Rodrigo Y Gabriela • Against Me! • Ratatat • Junior Boys • the Feeling • the Kooks • CSS • Klaxons • Tapes ‘n Tapes • Teddybears • Lupe Fiasco • Mando Diao ● Grizzly Bear • Mika • the Coup • the Avett Bros. • Anathallo • Fair to Midland
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04:07pm 18/01/2019
mood: thirsty
I really don't like the the fact that my sister downloads music now.
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People are strange when your a stranger   
08:54am 19/12/2018
mood: accomplished

So, I worked up the motivation to go to the gym again. While I was on the treadmill I noticed that the same man had jogged by the window two or three times and after seeing him go by a couple more times I realized he was doing laps around the gym. I thoght this was a bit strange considering he was outside of the building. The only reason I could think of was maybe this was the only place he could exercise. Maybe seeing the people inside motivated him. But in that case why not just go insiiide the gym. I guess if you can save money than why not.

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Fuck Forever   
04:36am 18/12/2018
mood: lazy
Whenever one aspect of my life is going good it seems that everything else just turns to shit. 
I wish it were more easy to create balance in my life.
08:15pm 28/11/2018
mood: cold
This is a nice change from the dark. Although I rather liked walking around with candles and having nothing to do but play Scrabble and Clue. Everything feels somewhat mysterious and old fashioned. At least we have heat now. I don't think I would have liked having to go another night without heat. I'm not sure how long this is going to last for. If its anything like the last time the power came on it shouldn't be more than a few more minutes.
Apparently dog collar zappers dont work in the snow. While walking back from sledding with Dallas today I witnessed my neighbor get bit by a viscous dog. It freaked me out a bit and now im scared to walk outside alone.
I love sledding. I hadn't gone in years and forgot how much fun I can actually have on a piece of plastic, especially when I don't dig my heels into the snow on the way down.
Sunday night   
06:46pm 26/11/2018
mood: chipper

My lights are flickering and i'm pretty sure the power is going to go out pretty soon. Probably as soon as finish the last sentence of this post because that always seems to happen to me. Well not always, but it haas happened in the past. 
Well, this weekend was very unproductive. Much like every weekend since school started. Friday night Cassie threw a Martini Party which turned out to be pretty fun even though I decided to stay sober. That doesnt happen very often. Usually being sober around people who are drunk makes me feel pretty uncomfortable and the conversations are horrible things to keep up with. The drunk mind doesnt work the same as the sober one. This time was different. Seeing people I hadn't seen in a while was nice and also it made me happy to see Becky get drunk since she didnt have to drive. 
Saturday night was a good night. Everyone seemed to pour out of their houses as soon as they realized how much snow there was. A bunch of us walked up to the community center bundles up in mittens, tukes, scarves etc. There were already people playing around when we got there and it just felt like such a Canadian thing to do. We made a huge snowman and had snowball fights. I tried to snowskate and succeeded after falling a few times. It was joyous :)
I smoked salvia for what I think was my first time. The reason I am unsure of whether it was my first time or not is because I was told I was smoking salvia once. It was in grade nine and when I used to hang out with Tony and Dylan. It looked a lot like dried up leaves and dirt whatever we were smoking, and for the first little while I thought they were trying to trick me into smoking dirt. I decided it probably wasn't dirt since they were smoking it themselves but after twenty minutes and not feeling much we just decided to stop. I felt a little stoned but not enough to make a difference from being sober. This time was different. I felt like I could hear a lot more clearly the whole time but my concentration was minimal. I had what felt like a fifteen minute conversation with Megan about butter and why not to keep it on the counter. Everything was a laughing matter until Cassie crashed her car. 
Im done with this post.



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